Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
