I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
