I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
