He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
