chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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