from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
