Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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