Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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