YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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