I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
