He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
