I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
