i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
