I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
