you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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