3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
