in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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