so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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