I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
