That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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