Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
