Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
