WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize