my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
