yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
