dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Porn is love you can see.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
