youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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