I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
