I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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