you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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