New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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