So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
