why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
