I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
