On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
