a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
