Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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