She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
