Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
