in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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