I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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