i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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