Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
