my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
