I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
