dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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