doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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