Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
