ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just had sex bonerless
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
