You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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