I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize