Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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