Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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