I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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