please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
