don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
