Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
