Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
