I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
