I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
