I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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