im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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