do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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