was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
