yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
