and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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