just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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