Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
