My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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