I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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