He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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