Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
