No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
